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How Caffeine is Making Your Life Worse
Thoughts from someone who’s never had caffeine
Listen up folks, because this will blow your mind: I have never had caffeine.
I have never started my morning with a cup of coffee. I have never gotten a pick me up in the middle of the day when my energy flagged. I have never had one of those weird caffeine pods they sell at corner stores. I have never thrown back a Red Bull at a bar. I have never had a caffeinated sports drink of any kind in any context. I have never had green or black tea. I have never even had caffeinated medicine (DayQuil, Excedrin, and others).
OK, that’s not strictly true.
- One time when I was 14, I had half a can of Monster to impress my friends. I had stomach cramps that felt like I was being stabbed for three hours.
See above: Why I do not consume caffeine. - One time when I was 22, someone gave me pre-workout after telling me it didn’t have caffeine. It did. My resting heart rate rose to 150 bpm. I laid on the floor of the gym to keep myself calm for four hours until it passed.
See above: Why I do not trust people when they say something has no caffeine. - One time when I was 25, I wondered if I could tolerate small amounts as an adult and ordered a half-caf Tim Hortons coffee. I drank half of it. My resting heart rate rose to 180 bpm. My boyfriend picked me up off the floor and put me in a hot bath. All I remember is being dizzy.
See above: Why I will never consume caffeine ever again.
Being forcibly caffeine-free my entire life has given me an interesting perspective on the drug most people claim they could not live without.
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Nobody Needs Caffeine to Stay Awake
When people discover I can’t consume even the smallest amounts of caffeine without a total crisis, one of the first things they ask is “How do you survive!?”, which I’ve always taken to mean “What do you do when you want/need to do something but you are too tired?”
The short answer: I don’t. I listen to my body and go to sleep.
